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So, the first thing to learn in validating others is to be able to identify something to validate in a "sea" of conflict that is both valid and important to the other person. It could be as simple as validating how the other person feels.Finding a validation target and mirroring it back from the other person's perspective (empathizing) is the crux of effective validating. It could be mirroring back the other person's rationale of how they are seeing things and why they feel the way the way they do.It can be as simple as negative body language, a look or not saying something when one would expect something to be said.Validation, on the other hand, is not mindless submission to another person.
Validation of feelings is vital to connecting with others.
It also often means that we have reacted in unhealthy ways to feeling invalidated by the pw BPD.
We need to fix ourselves (the pw BPD isn't going to fix us) and we need to disengage a bit from the push/pull validation habits common to pw BPD.
This is not an issue unique to Borderline Personality Disorder - this happens in all types of relationship - and we often do it, too.
The concepts of "not invalidating people" and the concept of "being validating" are really easy to grasp, intellectually.